I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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