I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
