I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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