Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
