you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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