At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
