Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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