another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
