Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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