Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize