I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
