Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
