we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
