If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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