FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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