Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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