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i would punch a child for taco bell
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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