I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Michael Bay diarrhea
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
