I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
