Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize