SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
