i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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