we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize