in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
