I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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