A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
