We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
