I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
