the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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