when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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