Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
