Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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