We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
