I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
