Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
