The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
