i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
