it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
