How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
