a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She's JV to your varsity
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
