my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
