There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
