Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
