the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
