If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
