Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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