She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
