im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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