after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
