I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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