Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
