I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
