What did we do last night that was yellow?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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