every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
