That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
