Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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