I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
