You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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