My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
