did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
