i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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