my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
