Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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