ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
