I seem to have left my pride at pride
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
